Dear Keith Olbermann

Dear Keith,

Perhaps you have heard of me and my nationwide campaign in the cause of temperance.  Each year for the past fourteen years, I have made a tour of Florida, Louisiana, Georgia, Illinois, and Texas.  I have delivered a series of lectures on the evils of drinking.  On this tour, I have been accompanied by my young friend and assistant, Clyde Lindstrom. Clyde, a young man of good family and excellent backgournd, is a pathetic example of a life ruined by excessive indulgence in whisky, women, and failed opportunities.

Clyde would appear with me at the lectures and sit on the platform wheezing and staring at the audience through bleary, blood-shot eyes, sweating profusely, picking his nose, passing gas, and making obscene gestures while I would point him out as an example of what overindulgence can do to a person.

Last fall, unfortunately, Clyde died.  A mutual friend has given me your name and I wonder if you would be available to take Clyde’s place on my 2010 summer tour.

 Yours in faith,

 Reverend Elton Jones of  the Rescue Mission, Houston, Texas

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One response to “Dear Keith Olbermann

  1. Please invite Rachel and Chris along for the ride.

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