In relationships, sometimes it is hard to meld two peoples’ lives into a cohesive unit while preserving some of the individuality that brought them together in the first place. It could be jobs, kids, health, finances, or any number of issues; but, somehow, it seems that people lose a little of themselves when they come together. However, having a person that bolsters the others’ shortcomings more than offsets the loss of a little “self.” It is a good thing since it makes both people better….stronger….more capable of dealing with life’s missiles!
In all good relationships, there must be lots of common interests…things couples enjoy together. But, a person must maintain a part of themselves that can be separate from the union of the two. In other words, you need a “thing!” Something that is your “thing!” Jane and I are examples of each having a “thing” that is uniquely ours. For Jane, it is puttering around in the yard, scratching around in her nest (decorating our home), and trying new recipes, typically from the Food Network (her favorites are the Barefoot Contessa & Gaida De Laurentis). She bitches about the hard work when trimming her plants, replacing the dead ones, or just changing them out! But, she loves the look when the job is done! When tinkering in the home, she is always moving furniture, buying a new lamp, rearranging the bric-a-brac, or making little adjustments so her environment is “perfect” for her. She is the master of her domain; and she loves it. Of course, I am the test monkey when she tries a new recipe. In short, when Jane does her “thing,” she doesn’t need me or my opinion. And, I am smart enough to always say, “I like it!” It’s her thing!
My thing is playing golf whenever I can…which is often! I enjoy the camaraderie of my buddies, the competition against them, and the competition against myself. For me, golf is a release. It’s my therapy, my enemy, and my passion. Plus, it is fun to bullshit with Freddie and Dave. We rag on each other, pass around the same worn dollar bills, tell stupid jokes, and, occasionally, have some deep discussions (but, not very often). They are great guys with their heads and hearts in the right place.
Freddie is a guy that I envy most of the time. He is the most consistent driver of the golf ball I have ever seen in my life. The club seems to be just another part of his body; and he can hit it where he wants almost every time. Dave is another great guy who is the quiet man in the group…..but, when he speaks, it will bring a laugh most of the time. He likes to hunt for golf balls around the ponds on the course; and once he discarded a ball we found because it had a blemish…or as he so aptly said, “This one is hurt!”
We are all very competitive and want to kick each other’s asses. But, we also like to see one another play well. We are never happy to lose; but when we are beaten after playing well, we are happy for our friend.
I’m particularly happy when I take Freddie’s money since it is very hard to get into his “man purse!” It doesn’t happen often; but when it does, I enjoy the begrudging way in which he opens his purse, unlocks the safe, and parts with dollars that were printed in the ’50’s! And, of course, Freddie loves taking everybody else’s money…more to put in his “man purse!”
The point is that all of us need “our thing!” Something that is uniquely ours….something that we do that pleases us! Being yourself makes it easier for you to be the person that your partner fell in love with. If you don’t have a thing, then, go find one! Make it your thing…..just do it!