Domestic Tranquility & Anniversaries

Since women are sensitive, feeling creatures, they have a keen sense of calendar particularly pertaining to anniversaries of special dates and events that happened during the relationship with their guy.  Sometimes these events happened ten or more years ago.  Sometimes they happened last year.  Whenever they happened, women remember them as if it was yesterday.  By now, if you have learned anything from this guide, you would know that guys haven’t got a clue!  Guys can barely remember their own birthdays, much less those of their wife or children.  And, if a guy is to remember some special event with  his wife, for example, the first time they were REALLY romantic together, he needs some hints, even prodding.  Even then, if the remote is in his hands, it may go over his head like a rocket!  Guys are absolute dunces when it comes to anniversaries, birthdays, and most events that women would find important.  Ask a guy which team won the NBA championship in ’03 and he’ll reel it off in a heartbeat.  Ask him to tell you his wife’s birthday and you will probably get that pained look on his face like he smells something bad, but can’t put his finger on it!

Can you remember what happened the last time you forgot a significant event in the relationship with your gal?  Was it the wedding anniversary?  Her birthday?  The anniversary of your engagement?  I’ll bet you are surprised to know that there are more than just the big two: Wedding and Birthday!  Right, Fritos-breath!  There are lots of potential anniversary-type dates you had better remember if you are to preserve domestic tranquility.  Below is a partial list (note I said “partial”):

            -Wedding                               Obvious!

            -Birthday                                Obvious!

            -Engagement                          Less obvious, but important, none the less!

            -First Sex                               Ooops!  Can you remember when?  Where?

            -First Big Argument              Ooops! (Now you are getting the picture!)

            -Junior Goes to College       Holy Shit!  That, too!

            -Her Operation                      Damn! It was such a small incision!

And….your lady has memories of special times that would be nearly impossible for you to figure out.  But, you’d damn well better try to find out what they are!  Most of the time, women will give guys tips.  Women realize that their guy is totally incompetent in matters of the calendar.  So, they will help….if you are open to listen for the signs.  When she says, “Where were we when you proposed to me?”, she is not asking you because she has forgotten.  Women remember EVERYTHING! She is giving you a hint to help you remember…and the anniversary of your engagement is coming up real soon!  Go ahead, rack your brain!  Damn, I must have proposed ’cause she married me!  When was it! Shit!  Let’s see, we were married in June of ’93…or was it July of ’92?  Goddamn!  Well, I proposed 6 months, or was it 9 months, before we married?  Now the panic really begins!  The pressure is on and the guy has not got a clue!  Out of the panic, one of the little gremlins that lives in the guy’s brain runs from one memory pigeonhole to another and stumbles upon a recollection of a diamond ring and a restaurant bill!  Now, the chase is on for more information!  The gremlin gathers another tidbit from another pigeonhole….Had a flat tire when I gave her the diamond ring! Oh, boy! The trail is heating up!  Before long, it will all come together and the guy will remember when and where!  He might even remember what he said, but that is very doubtful!  Some guys at the next table were talking about the ballgame and his attention was diverted all evening!  But, remember, they will give you hints.  Just listen! (Bullshit, guys don’t listen to anything!)

So, anniversaries and special events are REALLY, REALLY important to your lady.  Being feeling, romantic creatures, remembering the right occasions is essential for a guy to keep off of THE LIST.  And, guys have a strong incentive for staying off of THE LIST.  Just think about two of the big three needs that a guy has:  Sex and Food.  Without participation by a woman, a guy has got a real problem with both of these.  After all, one can only eat so much pizza and make love to Madam Palm so many times before a guy begins to come unglued, disoriented, and even more confused than usual.  What are some tips that will help you get some (we can’t expect any guy to get them all) of the important?

            1)        When she prods your brain to remember the wedding anniversary  this year, write it down, you idiot!   Put it in your iPhone if you have one!

            2)        Call her brother…see if he knows anything that would help.  He is a helpless guy just like you, so he will understand what you are trying to accomplish.  He may even ask their sister….gals talk, you know!   But that is risky because she will tell your wife and they both will know that the questions are coming from you!  That could be bad!

            3)        Ask your daughter.  Daughters are more sympathetic to their Dad’s   incompetence than wives.  They would still like to believe that dad is a good guy and haven’t totally figured out that dad is just another guy!

            4)        Sneak a peak into her address book!  There could be a page with all the good stuff written down.  It may be the mother lode!.  But, don’t get caught,  the penalty for sneaking-a-peak in THE BOOK, is three  months of forced celibacy!

Maybe you can think of some others on your own.  For me, I’ve drawn a blank on this subject!  After all, I’m a guy, too!

P.S.  I forgot…..there is an earlier post on Valentine’s Day in this blog that you “guys” might find enlightening!!!

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