I miss you, Simon Cowell

NEWSFLASH:  American Idol (AI) begins its 10th season on Fox….and if the first hour is representative of how the rest of the season is going, viewers are going to be disappointed!   The ever smiling Ryan Seacrest ushered in the new season by introducing newcomer panelists, Steven Tyler (Aerosmith) and Jennifer Lopez (what else needs to be said) who join the Randy “Dawg” Jackson (record producer) as judges of an assortment of talent.  Supposedly over 125,000 tried to audition for the show.  A few will be good singers, most will be terrible, and a handful will make total fools of themselves!  That’s just how AI rolls!  After a slow start trying to hype the new judges, the show began to show some of the “talent!”  You will have to tell me how the two-hour premiere ended because after 45 minutes, I switched to another channel!  I miss Simon Cowell!

Simon parlayed a quick-wit and rapier tongue into millions. Comments about bush baby and Incredible Hulk lookalikes left the audience waiting for the next remark that would reduce an unqualified guest to jello!  Below is a sample:

“If you would be singing like this two thousand years ago, people would have stoned you.”

“If your lifeguard duties were as good as your singing, a lot of people would be drowning.”

“There was one great part to your song – it was the end!”

“I don’t mean to be rude, but you look like The Incredible Hulk’s wife.”

“I think you just booked your plane ticket home.”

“Shave off your beard and wear a dress. You would be a great female impersonator.”

I think the ratings of the show will suffer this year.  Steven Tyler does not have the wit or intellect to match Simon; and, in fact, he reminds me of a worn-out version of Diane Keaton!!!  J-Lo seems to be another Paula without the ditz factor!  And, Randy, who has always been the weak link in the chain, is the same old Dawg as ever.

Last year, Ellen Degeneres knew when to cut and run….however, she seemed to have a good eye for talent and was hilarious!  Even Kara DioGuardi was entertaining in a bizarre way as she displayed her teenage crushes on Simon and Casey James!  They added some flair to the show!

But, Simon was the king!!!  And I imagine his new show, the X-Factor, will be a hit.  Until then, I will miss his cutting sarcasm.  Like him or not, he knew how to pick talent!  And, he knew how to hold an audience.  Good luck, AI….it will be needed!!

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