In earlier posts, I have mentioned my friends, Freddy and Dave, and our adventures (mostly, mis-adventures) pursuing the little white golf ball through the meadows of our favorite course. Freddy’s folly with Ping Eye 2 irons was subject of a post (March 6, 2010, Freddy’s Failed Eye 2 Experiment), so it is time to feature Dave…truly one of the great guys!
What sets Dave apart from Freddy and me is his sense of humor and his under-stated turning of a word! All too often, Freddy and I chuckle in amusement as Dave entertains us with his mannerisms and phraseology. For example, Dave has not bought any new golf balls since Jimmy Carter was president. Dave’s passion (besides chasing the little white ball) is to find other peoples’ little white balls! Dave has the eyes of a hawk stalking his prey when he is on the golf course. He will, without fail, scurry along the edge of the woods just in case a ball lies in hiding from its former owner. And, Dave cannot resist prowling every pond on the course looking for the sphere that found “Davy Jones’ locker!” If the ball is within the reach of Dave’s 9 iron, it will be captured. It is simply in his DNA….a product of genetic engineering! In fact, Freddy once gave Dave a box of “used golf balls” as a gag gift. Instead of laughing it off, Dave actually used the balls….until he, eventually, lost them! Furthermore, Freddy and Dave were playing partners in a tournament that cost each $250 to participate. On the 4th hole, Dave hit his shot into the lake. Freddy barely cleared the lake and was faced with a difficult recovery shot. While Freddy deliberated on how to play the shot for the team, Dave was fishing Pro V1’s out of the lake and never hit another shot on the hole.
Dave has occasionally evoked the “no laughing rule” which is an admonition to other players not to laugh at a poor shot! Dave is the final word on the “no laughing rule”….that is his unique responsibility. (It is Freddy’s unique responsibility to be the first person to tee off in our group. Freddy will announce the ball he is playing for the day….and then hit away. He hits the first shot because he gets the tee time….and, just because Freddy can!)
Over the years, I have come to understand the precise meaning of some of the terms Dave uses. For example, “Clumsy” means an ineffective golf swing; “Under construction” means working on a new swing; “Nothing to write Bartlesville about”….an adequate, but not noteworthy shot. “Clearly”….as in clearly a ball or good shot; “Ball”…..see “Clearly”; and, finally, the “Whole Shit-a-ree”….the entire gamut or complete repertoire of good shots!
Dave’s level of disdain when he messes up a shot badly is almost indescribable…..but, I will try! The club will be tossed aside as if it was contaminated with e-coli virus and Dave’s arms will reach to the sky as if asking, “What the f**k!”, as he drops his head in disgust looking for a place to hide! But, these are just some of the reasons why we love playing golf with Dave. Freddy tends to chatter like a cheap radio when he is playing well, you can’t turn him off…..and is as quiet as a church mouse when playing poorly (which is rare). And, Freddy tries to garner sympathy by limping on his trick knee…..but, it does not work! I try to be even keeled throughout the round, but am prone to use the f-word and all of its variations when playing like a high-grass hacker! With Dave, the mood can change from shot to shot! And when he is on, he can pound the ball a mile. Actually, I can visualize him now. He is standing in the middle of the fairway on #7 trying to decide whether to go for the par 5 green in two…risking hitting his precious ball into the lake! WWFD…what would Freddy do? Dave has decided to go for it! The ball is in the air….it is turning left slightly! Dave is watching intently! Is it “Clearly”? Or disdain? Does Dave have the “whole shit-a-ree?”
Our little group never fails to create many opportunities for laughs at each other’s expense….every single day! Golf is a great game when it can be enjoyed with good friends….some of the time!!!!! The fellowship, though, is alway great! Finally, Freddy and I would not trade playing with Dave for anybody!