**Tim Tebow announced that he had signed a deal to become the starting QB for the national football team of Greece. And he announced that he would receive 8 billion drachmas in conpensation……if the Spartans make it to the Super Bowl. After being traded from Broncos to the Jets, from the Jets to the Vikings, from the Vikings to the Winnipeg BlueBombers, and from the Bombers to the Houston Lightning, Tebow said, “Enough! Put me some place I can play!” Unfortunately, Tim’s agent forgot to tell Tim that they play soccer in Greece and that the “drachma” is no longer the Greek currency! Next time ask for Euros, Tim!
**Kirstie Alley’s agent reported that the celebrity has lost 400 pounds in the past 12 months. The bad news is that she gained 450 pounds during the same period and has been booted as the spokesperson for Weight Watchers. Alley reportedly weighs more than the entire cheerleader squad from her former high school in Wichita. And, observers claim that her most recent weight gain followed a gathering of the Scientologists in Whackoville, CA., when she had Tom Cruise for lunch!
**Shaun Payton, the Saint’s coach, who was suspended for a year by the NFL for BountyGate, has been ordered to serve an additional 4 hours of community service for urinating on Bourbon Street. Payton’s manager could not be reached for comment and was last seen with a paper bag over his head!
**Tom Hanks, Robert DeNiro, Alec Baldwin, and Barbara Streisand have announced their support for Republican Mitt Romney! Upon hearing the news, Bill Maher burst into flames!
**Newt Gingrich, while recently campaigning in South Carolina, had to be reminded that he won the SC primary in January……and he had blown his chances for the nomination long ago. Not to be deterred, Newt has headed off to Georgia to campaign in Atlanta! Poor Newt……….
**The Houston Astros proudly announced that they had the lowest payroll in major league baseball….and would play all their games against the Toledo Mud Hens! Tickets will go on sale next week…….never mind, the tickets are free!!! But, parking is $40 and you are allowed to carry a weapon in downtown Houston after sunset!
** Former President Obama was last seen vacationing in Teluk Nijah, Pangkor.