Cesar Millan, TV’s famous dog whisperer, better watch his back. Jeff, from Tiki Island, has come to town and he is ready to tame your pooch….for a modest fee! In fact, sometimes for just a loan of some stuff from your closet is his only fee! But, more about the clothing closet later. Funerals are solemn occasions intended for the family to give a ceremonial good-bye to their loved one and rejoice in that loved one’s life. In this particular ceremony, white doves were released at the grave site and they flew in circles for several minutes before, probably, heading to their normal roost. It was a beautiful, touching sight. And it was on this somber occasion that I met Jeff, called by his friends, the Tiki Island Dog Whisperer. Jeff was in attendance to be a pallbearer. And that is where the story begins. My beautiful daughter, Nancy, introduced me to Jeff in the foyer of the funeral home before the service began. Instantly, one could not help but notice that an aura surrounded Jeff. There was a calmness and, even, light-heartedness about him. As we chatted, Nancy and Jeff explained that he was the local area’s rent-a-husband, Mr. Fix It, jack of all trades, property watcher, and general handy-man. Everybody knew Jeff and everybody liked Jeff. I chuckled quite often as Jeff told his stories; and, at one point, I asked Jeff if he had any weed on him. He just smiled….in the affirmative. Jane has to remind me that we were at a funeral and to keep it down because Jeff gave me the jelly belly. In fact, Jeff commented that he had purchased a new shirt for this special occasion. And when he tried it on with his suit, he discovered that his suit no longer fit him because he has lost some weight since he last wore it. It takes a special occasion to get Jeff into a suit!! As it turned out, Jeff was house-sitting for a friend at the time and since his friend was about the same size as Jeff, he decided to “borrow” one of his buddies’ suits for the funeral…..Jeff looked splendid in the other guys’ suit. That’s just the kind of guy Jeff is!
He has enjoyed much success in working with the dogs of friends handling the pet’s behavioral problems. Hence, the nick-name of the Dog Whisperer. He has leash trained dogs and has happy customers. But, Jeff’s record is not perfect. It seems that he was called in to work with a mix-breed with an eating disorder. No, it was not anorexia, purging, over-eating, etc., the dog suffered from “food aggression” to the point where his owners would have to put the dog in one room, put his food bowl in another, and then run like hell because the dog did not want any one near his food when he ate. So, they called Jeff to see if he could work with, let’s call him, Killer!!! Jeff was introduced to the dog and attempted to get Killer to calm down around his food. The bottom line is: Jeff got bitten by Killer five times! Killer’s owners put him up for adoption immediately. If Jeff could not tame Killer, Cesar would not stand a chance!!!
P.S. I would have sworn that Milton (“I believe you have my stapler”) of Office Space fame was at the funeral, too!